Waiting

Well, you would never guess it based on what I have, or I guess in this case, haven’t been blogging about…but I am 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant with Baby #2!

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I basically haven’t blogged since I found out we were expecting our Sweet Baby B. Who, by the way, is a girl! For a long time I didn’t post anything because the only thing I wanted to write about was my pregnancy, which we didn’t announce until much later…and then it was just a long, boring winter so I didn’t feel like I had anything to talk about.

Since February, our lives went into overdrive for awhile. We bought a house, but have been remodeling and didn’t move in until April. Since then, it’s been a flurry of unpacking and trying to settle into some kind of routine before the baby arrives.

Now, we are waiting. Waiting for our sweet little girl to arrive!

I wish I could say this pregnancy has been completely joyful for me, but it hasn’t. Don’t get me wrong…we planned, and were thrilled to find out we were expecting again. What caught me off guard was how emotional I have been about how adding another child to the mix would change my relationship with Elias.

I ADORE my son and feel so incredibly blessed that I get to spend almost every day, all day with him. I get to kiss and hug him as much as I want, and cherish every little piece of his personality without distraction. I am all his, and he is all mine…and it makes me sad that our relationship is going to change.

I’m going to be tired, and I don’t want that to effect what I am able to do for him.
I’m going to be preoccupied, and I don’t want to lose sight of his growth.
I’m going to fall in love again, and I don’t want that to change how I express my love for him.
I’m going to be busy, and I don’t want to forget to set aside special time for just the two of us.

…and the list of things I have mourned goes on. Of course, I also know that having a sibling will be GREAT for Elias in so many ways. But to be truly honest, it’s taken my awhile to recognize and accept the many positive aspects that come with expanding our family because I was so wrapped up in the differences. Change has always been difficult for me. Especially when I feel like it effects such an important, and intimate part of my life.

With that said, I have come to peace with the adjustments that are going to take place in our lives, and I am truly beyond excited to meet our little Baby B. As fun as I think it would have been for Elias to have a brother so close in age, I am actually so incredibly thankful we are having a girl. I know that no child is the same, but I think having children of opposite genders will allow me to full appreciate each of them for exactly who they are.

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